Sunday, April 09, 2006

... I'm not a girl, not yet a woman...

Sometimes it feels as though everything I've ever treasured in life is slipping away from my grasp.

I'm tired, alone, unsure, afraid and what not.

I don't want to move to shanghai, I don't want to leave behind my friends, the memories of my 'childhood home', One Comm...

There are so many things here that I don't want to leave behind, and so little that beckons me to Shanghai.

I want to stay here, in Singapore, because I'm comfortable as I am here, yet I also know that... This isn't how it's supposed to be, and that I'd just have to trust in God and know that he has something there in plan for me.

During bible study last friday, we were asked what we thought our purpose in life for, given that serving God is already taken into account. I wasn't sure. I guess... My purpose in life is to be myself, encourage the people around me, and to influence the lives of those who are in need of anything.

On friday, my form teacher too pulled me aside, and she spoke to me about many things. And she told me a verse in particular, which really stuck. "The Lord says to shower with love, especially on these people; the widows and the fatherless"...

In a way, I am very much an orphan, yet I look back and I examine my life and I realise just how blessed I really am. God has given me so much more than what my peers have, I too have gone through more than what many of my peers have, and in turn have gained my insight and wisdom.

We grow from our mistakes, we grow from our hurt and our pain.

But maybe some of us, are just born with talents we've never fully knew existed before. I've been through alot for a girl of 14. And in truth, many of the people around me wonder if I really am just 14. Sometimes, I too wonder if there is something within me that beats stronger than just 14 years.

Am I pampered? Yes.
Am I blessed? Extremely.

God has given me more than he has given anybody. And for that, I'm truly grateful. I guess it's just time that I start believing and trusting in what he has in planned for me, for He has given me so much, what have I offered to him? What have I given back in return?

... Who am I?
That the Lord of all the Earth,
Would care to know my name?
Would care to bear my pain...

Posted by Char at 4:36 AM