Tuesday, May 30, 2006
... It's gonna get to your heart...
This was no accident, this is a thereaupatic chain of events.
So many things have happened in my life, and these in turn have molded me to become who I am now. The Charlotte Then that existed from pre-dean days has disappeared. I'm no longer that naive little girl anymore. I expect so so much out of a relationship, so if I'd hurt you in anyway, I'm sorry. I never meant to.
I never asked you to be the one to keep us together.
Maybe it would've been better if both of us had kept our own way, if you hadn't given in so much. That would've enabled us to learn how to give way to the other. To work things out in that relationship.
Yes, I'm indecisive.
I never know what I want. But from this, I've learnt. We all make mistakes, and we learn from it. For me, it just takes me one mistake to arrive at a decision. I'm sorry for hurting you, and yes, I still love you. I've realised that you're not the one who zombifies me, but rather, it is myself; in my attempts to stop falling further for you.
I'm sorry for thinking that I'm the bad guy.
And no, I'm not doing it for pity. Maybe it's because I really feel as though I'm getting all the blame?
But whatever. I digress.
I'm sorry for hiding myself from you, for not letting you know who I am inside. I've hardened myself against the world because I'm afraid that if I let the covers slip away again, I'll end up hurt again. Like how Dean hurt me. I'm sorry for comparing you to him, I realise now that you could never be him, and I also know now that... I don't want you to be him.
I love you because you're you.
And that's enough for me.
Never change.
Even if we can't be together anymore, I know that it's my mistake. Not yours. Not anyone else's but mine. And right now, I'm not going to justify my actions anymore...
Posted by Char at 7:00 AM