Sunday, June 11, 2006
... If God is a DJ, then Life is a dancefloor, Love is the rythm...
When did we change?
When did we start drifting apart? Life has a funny way of pulling people apart. When did our lives start becoming just a dancefloor?
Since when was Love the rhythm?
You know, the funniest thing is that... I'm still all alone. I can be surrounded by a crowd of friends, and yet still feel completely completely drained and emotionless. I'm happy, yes, but it's missing the true essence of happiness.
I've deduced that in this world, it's filled with two kinds of people.
People like Loysius and Dean, and people like sam and Rk...
The people who always appear happy, to never ever seem to have a problem outwardly, who just laugh things off all the time, and the people who have problems, and actually whine and show them aloud.
I don't know which one I belong in.
But I'm afraid. I'm seriously afraid, that one day, I'll just press the razor blade to my wrist and bleed to death. I mean, I'm half-dead already.
I've changed beyond comprehension.
This isn't the person I am. This isn't the person I could be. Ain't who I want to be either, yet it's getting so easy to hide behind that facade again.
I want to be me again, but it's getting so hard to smile. And even when I do, it's just a shell of who I truly am.
And the weirdest part of it all??
Even if I wanted to talk to my best friend, we've just drifted so far apart, that... The only time I even see him, is on Sundays. And that's only
if we're having breakki together.
I miss my lunch compatriat.
And I miss being able to just crap about with the 2nd lamest in the OC.
I miss just being able to laugh and make sarcastic remarks and just know that the laughter isn't phony.
I miss being able to have good lunches and all.
I miss my
gor. Who was like the best gor there ever existed.
I miss my
mei, whom I haven't even spoken to face to face in quite a while.
I miss my
shushi-buddaye, whom I haven't spoken to since Gawd-knows-when.
and amongst all that, I just miss being able to laugh and smile and be myself again.
I know that this is pathetic, I know that I'm pathetic, yet...
I'm just so tired of feeling nothing.
Numbed to the core...
Posted by Char at 6:30 PM