Sunday, July 23, 2006

... cause you're my daydream...

Suddenly things between us have changed again. and once more, i am left to ponder, plagued with the question, 'what happened this time?'

i'm always the one left to pick up the pieces in our friendship.
i've always been the one to call back...

well.
maybe i'm tired of being taken for granted.

do you even CARE?
no. sometimes, i seriously doubt it.

one day, you'll wake up and realise that... i'm just not here anymore.
but by then, it'll be too late.

Posted by Char at 10:33 PM

Monday, July 10, 2006

... i want this to last...

I love awstin
I hate awstin

I HATE ME

I hate myself.
For loving you.
for falling in love again.
after promising myself i won't.
I broke my own promise.

I hate myself.
I really do.
I dislike me.
Soooo much.


i love love

charRr

Posted by Char at 4:12 AM

Friday, July 07, 2006

... you and me, we shared a mystery...

Ever met somebody, who touched your life in the most incredible way, that the moment you set eyes on him/her, you knew for sure that this would be the person you'd give your heart to? I did... He was probably the first guy i'd ever loved, and probably the first guy i'd ever love, but it didn't matter alot, because... at the end of the day, we broke up.

Yes. I'm talking about Dean.

You know, the funny thing is that... Even though I will always love him, I've already acknowledged the fact that he never loved me, and it doesn't hurt at all. It's weird, because I just spent the past one year of my life, pining over someone who never loved me at all... But i suppose what i was really crying for was the loss of a friend. A really good friend.

The oddest thing is that, sometimes, even now, I just wish I could be caught within his warm embrace again, even if only for a moment. But then, it's all in human nature. To want to feel safe and secure. To relish the feeling that just for one moment in your life, nothing in the world can go wrong. That time will ground to a standstill...
It's a nice feeling. To be understood, to just have someone who will listen and give you good advice and not force his opinion on you. To let you just be yourself and not do anything about it, who accepts you unconditionally for who you are and yet dares to incur your wrath by telling you your most obvious flaws (the ones you are blinded to.) Who will tell you the truth and not backstab you or anything.
It's nice.
Really.

Yet... It is also this very person, who can help the world and shoulder the weight of the entire population's problems upon his/her own shoulders that builds a fortress of protection around themselves. They never show the world who they truly are inside, and... At the end of the day, they just crumble up and they suffer in silence.
Everyone has a breaking point. Everyone.
Much less those whom are shouldering the weight of the world upon their shoulders. It must hurt them alot to always have to pretend to be happy and all when they're not, to be forced to forgive unconditionally and all that...

And what's worst, is if that person is someone who is really important to you. Someone whom you care about deeply... Yet what can you do to help them? What can you do when they're suffering in silence and refuse to open up and share with you? You can do nothing...
You can pray. Yes, and hope that God answers those prayers.
But that's about it.

You can try and be their pillar of strenght, try to be there for them and comfort them, but often, you fail in that aspect miserably.
Some people don't deserve hurt, but they always are.
Maybe that's why they hide themselves.
Because they're already so vulnerable on the inside, because their hearts have already been shattered into a million pieces that they dare not let anyone else see what's truly within them, for fear that their heart would once again be broken.

I wish that I could help.
I wish that I could have the answers or the immense power to help them.
I wish I had some magical prowess that would heal their hurt and their cynicsm. But I don't.

I am only a girl.
And I can only watch the world revolve around me.
I can only stand and watch as the people around me crumble underneathe their illusions of love and life.
I am incapable of doing anything other than watching. And seeing.

Even though it hurts, even though it tears me apart. I can do nothing to lessen the burdens of these people. I can only hope that one day, they too will find the courage to open up and let go of these burdens instead of crumbling underneathe the immense force.
What is the use of living when you're chained by pain, anger, confusion and all. What's the purpose of life when you're suffering in silence and shouldering the burdens of the world alone? Friends are there for a reason. yes, we may not always be able to help. But we would always be more than willing to shoulder the burden with you.

2 pairs will be able to lift much better than 1.

I will always be here for you if you ever need to talk. I don't guarantee that I'll have all the answers to your questions, and I don't guarantee that I'd be able to make them go away, but I'll help shoulder your burdens and I'll help take the weight of your problems. And together, we will be able to lift it up easier, and that way, you won't crumble and fall.

This goes to everyone out there.
You're never alone. Just open up and share. Friends, will always be there!

Posted by Char at 9:21 PM

... you and me, we shared a mystery...

Ever met somebody, who touched your life in the most incredible way, that the moment you set eyes on him/her, you knew for sure that this would be the person you'd give your heart to? I did... He was probably the first guy i'd ever loved, and probably the first guy i'd ever love, but it didn't matter alot, because... at the end of the day, we broke up.

Yes. I'm talking about Dean.

You know, the funny thing is that... Even though I will always love him, I've already acknowledged the fact that he never loved me, and it doesn't hurt at all. It's weird, because I just spent the past one year of my life, pining over someone who never loved me at all... But i suppose what i was really crying for was the loss of a friend. A really good friend.

The oddest thing is that, sometimes, even now, I just wish I could be caught within his warm embrace again, even if only for a moment. But then, it's all in human nature. To want to feel safe and secure. To relish the feeling that just for one moment in your life, nothing in the world can go wrong. That time will ground to a standstill...
It's a nice feeling. To be understood, to just have someone who will listen and give you good advice and not force his opinion on you. To let you just be yourself and not do anything about it, who accepts you unconditionally for who you are and yet dares to incur your wrath by telling you your most obvious flaws (the ones you are blinded to.) Who will tell you the truth and not backstab you or anything.
It's nice.
Really.

Yet... It is also this very person, who can help the world and shoulder the weight of the entire population's problems upon his/her own shoulders that builds a fortress of protection around themselves. They never show the world who they truly are inside, and... At the end of the day, they just crumble up and they suffer in silence.
Everyone has a breaking point. Everyone.
Much less those whom are shouldering the weight of the world upon their shoulders. It must hurt them alot to always have to pretend to be happy and all when they're not, to be forced to forgive unconditionally and all that...

And what's worst, is if that person is someone who is really important to you. Someone whom you care about deeply... Yet what can you do to help them? What can you do when they're suffering in silence and refuse to open up and share with you? You can do nothing...
You can pray. Yes, and hope that God answers those prayers.
But that's about it.

You can try and be their pillar of strenght, try to be there for them and comfort them, but often, you fail in that aspect miserably.
Some people don't deserve hurt, but they always are.
Maybe that's why they hide themselves.
Because they're already so vulnerable on the inside, because their hearts have already been shattered into a million pieces that they dare not let anyone else see what's truly within them, for fear that their heart would once again be broken.

I wish that I could help.
I wish that I could have the answers or the immense power to help them.
I wish I had some magical prowess that would heal their hurt and their cynicsm. But I don't.

I am only a girl.
And I can only watch the world revolve around me.
I can only stand and watch as the people around me crumble underneathe their illusions of love and life.
I am incapable of doing anything other than watching. And seeing.

Even though it hurts, even though it tears me apart. I can do nothing to lessen the burdens of these people. I can only hope that one day, they too will find the courage to open up and let go of these burdens instead of crumbling underneathe the immense force.
What is the use of living when you're chained by pain, anger, confusion and all. What's the purpose of life when you're suffering in silence and shouldering the burdens of the world alone? Friends are there for a reason. yes, we may not always be able to help. But we would always be more than willing to shoulder the burden with you.

2 pairs will be able to lift much better than 1.

I will always be here for you if you ever need to talk. I don't guarantee that I'll have all the answers to your questions, and I don't guarantee that I'd be able to make them go away, but I'll help shoulder your burdens and I'll help take the weight of your problems. And together, we will be able to lift it up easier, and that way, you won't crumble and fall.

This goes to everyone out there.
You're never alone. Just open up and share. Friends, will always be there!

Posted by Char at 9:21 PM

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

... Hold me close to you, never let me go...

Singapore.

How am I to say this?

Funnily, I miss Shanghai so bad.
I've found my life there. I've found where I belong.
I've found someone whom I can love, and the best part?
I know I'm not going to be afraid of falling in love anymore.

He makes me happy.
He makes me feel good.
There's this feeling of right-ness around him. Like everything just clicks and falls into place.

I actually love this one.

(Feeling blissful.
This is Life.)

Posted by Char at 3:48 AM